


you can't escape yourself sweetheart

by viciousracket



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Character Study, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Poor Wade Wilson, Suicidal Thoughts, This is a vent, Violent Thoughts, very short chapters, yellow and white are real arseholes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:01:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27894997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viciousracket/pseuds/viciousracket
Summary: He just wished that one day when he pulled the trigger he wouldn’t wake up.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Wade Wilson, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	you can't escape yourself sweetheart

**Author's Note:**

> collection of character studies of deadpool bc he helps with my own ocd/ intursive thoughts lol. gonna be some spiderpool too because..... why does there have to be a because? i love them. 
> 
> WARNING: in true wade fashion,, there will be some potentionally triggering thoughts. thoughts of violence, suicide and r*pe. hes a sweetheart but he has some issues.

He was trapped inside his own mind, inside a body that made him feel ill whenever he looked in the mirror. 

Constant internal arguments went on without his wanting them. Tauting him. Sometimes Yellow and White hated each other, sometimes they ganged up on him. It didn’t matter which, there was still a never-ending stream of noise. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t have even a minute silence. Never. They wouldn’t let him. 

Sometimes the three of them were friends, in a very fucked up way. But that only really happened when they were doing something very fucked up. Something fucked up that Wade actually wanted to do.

Yellow and White called him a monster, a complete waste of space, a mutated gene that didn’t deserve to live, didn’t deserve to walk down the street. That didn’t bother Wade; he knew they were right.

Yellow and White egged him on. Told him to murder, told him he wanted to see blood spilt, to see heads roll. That didn’t bother Wade. He did enjoy murdering, to smell metal, to taste the tang of blood when he licked his lips. But only when the person deserved to die. By his standards.

Yellow and White went too far. Told him to murder innocents, told him it was no different from what he was doing anyway. They told him he was fucked up anyway, he may as well join the scum of the earth. Yellow told him what to do, who to do it too. White told him the reasoning behind it; that there was no reasoning - he was a cold-hearted killer anyway, what did it matter if today he killed that little girl he saw walking alone in the park? Why was that different from the corrupted rapist police officer he gouged the eyes out of yesterday?

That did bother Wade. He was fucked up, he knew he was, he had to be, to have those thoughts going around in his head. But he wouldn’t allow himself to sink that low.

When Yellow and White’s voices got too loud, when Wade was scared of what he was capable of, he put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

The voices always came back after he woke up, angrier than ever, more pissed off, more blood thirsty, even more desperate and determined to drive Wade insane. But at least he had had an hour or two reprise.

He just wished that one day when he pulled the trigger he wouldn’t wake up.


End file.
